Welcome To Mary Sue Land, Folks!
by Nezzy Crazy Plots Inc
Summary: is it possible for a simple girl to make the Joker fall in love? Make Johny Crane work in a call center? be the DA, America's top model, Novel price and Batgirl? and in the top of it be Brucey's lost causin?.... YEAH WHY NOT? WE'RE ON MARYSUE LAND, FOLKS


**Welcome again, my friend. Thing goes this way: Boss wasn't happy, so decided for me to show you another channel from the one you were watching****. He is wearing his _oh so sexy _make up with his _oh so sexy_ purple coat and the Glasgow smile, those _kissable_ full lips cut wide open. ****Jeez****, don't get mad, _he's still hot stuff. _****_SEXYYYYYYY_****. **

**Welcome to sue-land, my friend.**

**Now, at the very moment you start reading, the Joker is entering Bruce Wayne's party. Yeah that one from TDK**

- Hello Ladies and gentlemen! We're tonight's entertaiment. I only have one question: Where is _Alicia Lewis Carol Borges Wayne?_

**Y****ou must be asking yourself : **_**WTF**__**?**_

**Yeah, so am I. **

**Ya**** see, Alicia is **_**Gotham's**__** DA**_**. Yeah, her campaign "**_**I Believe in Alicia Lewis Carol **__**Borges**__** Wayne**_**" won over the classic "**_**I believe in Harvey Dent**_**" which wasn't _that_ cool. **

**Eh**** yeah, it's the same Alicia AKA Queen of Hearts from _"All World's a Stage Wanna hear a Joke?"_ but that's _another chanel._ **

**Then out of nowhere appears Alicia, our _lovely heroine_. she is beautiful, her long, thick, beautiful, shiny, smooth...no, I'm not talking about the _Joker's Golden Member_, don't be such a _perv_, I'm talking about her hair. _Which is red, by the way_. Sorry. Anyway, thing is...she is _beautiful_. She has big boobs, she is tall and a supermodel and _the_ perfect ass. Yeah, _that ass you've been working so hard to get in the gym?_ yeah, she has _that_ ass. In fact, I believe she won last season of _America's Top Model_ but she though that it would be better to send the prize to the poor children of Africa. Yeah, she was a _good kid_. Did I tell you about her eyes? They were green, deep and shiny, her eyelashes were like butterflies when she blinked. And she had smooth white perfect skin. **

_**She was an angel walking among mortals**_**. **

**And she was **_**sooooo **_**nice. She worked as a volunteer in ten hospitals helping children with cancer and then she went to Arkham Asylum to teach the inmates painting for **_**therapeutic healing**_**. She made all the inmates petty good citizens who are right now working on a call center for Nextel. **

**Yeah, they are the ones that answer. "**_**Thank you for calling Nextel, my name is Jonathan Crane, how may I help you today?. Yes, I'm glad to assist you ma'am. Thank you for calling Nextel, have a great day and a terrific weekend!!"**_** with that cheerful and nice tone. _See?_ She won a **_**Novel Price**_** for that one! But she refused to go and pick the medal, because she is really **_**modest**_** and doesn't like to call attention to herself.**

**And she had such a hard and horrible life**** poor girl....yeah, she got raped by **_**(in chronological order):**_** her daddy, the neighbor, the milk man, the guy from K-mart, and the delivery boy with the pizza. _And also the one bringing Chinese food last night._ **

**Shitty life. **

**When she was a kid, ****she got locket in a cupboard. Her guardians were her uncle and aunt who called her **_**freak,**_** and then when she was 11 years old an owl came flying...**_**wait, that's another story**_**. That's Harry Potter!!. Sorry. **_**But she got to know him too!**_** And the are **_**BFF**__**. **_**And because Harry Potter helped her, she got a that ****_thingy_****_ that makes you travel in time_ and while she was helping the children with cancer, winning America's top Model, and teaching the Arkham's inmates how to paint a **_**fucking**__** flower**_** she also graduated from Law School in Harvard. Nobody though she wouldn't make it because she was so beautiful, thus, stupid. But obviously she proved them wrong when she got out of jail a blond chick who was accused of murdering her old husband. **_**Wait...that's Legally Blond,**_** wrong story **_**again.**_

_**But she did that too. **_

**  
Then, as she was bored, she went back to ****Gotham**** and in three (3) days she became ****Gotham's**** DA, she discovered who was Batman and that she was Bruce Wayne's lost cousin! All that...**_**in three **__**fucking**__** days**_**. She was a genius too. Did I told you that she is.... _15 years old?_ Yeah, she is and she also is Batgirl! **_**She is a ninja, badass martial artist!!**_

**TADA****. **

**  
****Uhhh****... I thing I got a little out of the road. **_**Sorry.**_

**  
So the sexiest man walking to ever walk this earth****, that would be the **_**Joker**_**, was crashing Bruce Wayne's party. **

-Hello Ladies and gentlemen! We're tonight's entertaiment. I only have one question: Where is _Alicia Lewis Carol Borges Wayne_?- he said with his sexy, _sexy voice,_ making everybody go _"hmm chocolate..."_

**They had _Homer Simpson's syndrome_.**

**Then Alicia appears in her beautiful red party dress, marking every curve of her body, and matching her perfect red hair.**

-Joker, _bad, bad!!_ you dont crash parties without an invitation!- she says

-_welllllll hellllllo beutiful!_ You must be Harvey's... _sorry, wrong chanel_. You must be Alicia Lewis Carol Borges Wayne!

-stop it!

_**This is like a music video. The Joker stops. and then the music starts, and this mega babe with red hair is just posing there looking all hot. And her hair has the wind machine (like-uh-like-uh wind-ma-sheen-uh) going on it and it's all in slow motion, and her lips are parted like a sex kitten and she's all RAWR and the Joker's just paralyzed like "WHOA.**__**DUDE. MEGA BAAAAABE." and then you hear an electric guitar go all WOWOWOWOW.**_

- Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? Wanna know how I got 'em?

**Where ****did I hear that? _Oh yeah..._**

-yeah tell me, I'm a psiquiatrist too! Maybe I can help you with your issues!!

**Forgot to tell you that: She was in the _same class_ with Harley Quinn! they were room-mates. Life is wonderful once you have the "_I can turn time_" thingy from Harry Potter.**

**Then the english wizard****, who was also invited to the party, makes appear a couch from psiquiatrict's offices, that you only get to see in movies, but actually don't exist in real life. The Joker, hesitant, makes his way to the couch and lies down in it. **

- See, I had a wife, she was beautiful… like you, who tells me that I worried too much, who tells me that I ought to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks One day they carve her face. We have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just wanted her to know that I don't _care_ about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this… to myself.

**Then Alicia looked the Joker to his eyes.**

**And here we go again with the music video!**

_**Alicia just STOPS, and then the music starts. **__**The Joker's in the couch there, his limp green curls floating from the wind machine, his lips just parted like a sex kitten and it's all in slow motion. And very slowly he brings his finger up and motions and you can see his lips mouthing "COME TO MEEEEE" and then the electric guitar goes all WOWOWOWOWOW.**_

**Yeah,**** she kind of _felt in love._**

-_ohhhhh!_ You poor little thing. That's _society's_ fault. I regret helping society. I'll help you to burn down this city_! I love you!_

-_yeah, love ya too! _

**A minute later they're out of the building, burning Gotham's General Hospital.**

**And there, Batman enters to the party to catch the Joker...**

_-Then you're gonna love me-_ he growls

"_**Cri cri cri"...**_**the Joker is _gone_...with his new side kick _Queen of Hearts_. **_**They came up with the name pretty fast**_**. Shit happens, Batman. and in these kind of stories your IQ is the same as a monkey hight in heroine!**

-eh...ahhh.... sorry, keep drinking yo- ho! _A pirates life for me!-_

**M****mm, that makes me remind **_**another**_** story...**

**Anyway, ****in the other side of the town the Joker and Alicia are having hot monkey sex in a table. **_**Why in a table? **_**Dunno, just popped out of my mind. **

_-.. hmm, ah, eh, ih, oh, uh, umh- _

**D****on't ask me why does the Joker make such noises so much. In Sue-Land happens. **_**A lot.**_

-love ya.

-me too.

-let's get married.

-ok

-I don't want to be a criminal anymore, you've cured me forever _Alicia-pooh._ I'm not a psycho anymore. I wanna have a house, a puppy and twins! I'm naming _Luke and Leia_ and then we're sending then to different planets_...wait.._

**Y****eah, **_**another story.**_

**So, the next day they are getting married and thanks to Harry Potter, who borrowed her again his thingy for time travel they prepared the most _fantabulastic party eveeeeer_ and got married. Bruce Wayne cryed from emotion seeing his little causin getting married. So did Jim Gordon who was _Sirius Black in deguise_. Don't tell anybody that. _It's a secret_. **

**They went to a private island in Brazil in their honey moon. Her uncle Carlisle Cullen just told her: "**_**eh, just go there and stay a month or two, get yourself pregnant and have the babies one month later".** _

**Again, wrong story. Sorry. But yeah, she was half **_**sparkle-in-the-sun-vampire**_** too. And a _Cullen_. that's her secret identity, don't tell anybody yeah?**

**And after that, she made her cousin Edward Cullen bit the Joker in the neck and lick him everywhere(_there ya have slash, kids, HOT STUFF!_) and they lived happily ever after! **

_**The end! **_

_**TADA!**_

**_Are you happy now?_**

**Boss says he is getting sick, better come back to the original story.**

* * *

This is the kind of story that seems to be pretty popular these days. _Why kids, why?_ There are fabulous stories out there and you still want to read/write these_...things_. Really.  
Stop the Mary-sues. Please. _Pretty please?_

You're _butchering _a fantastic character such as the Joker.

Stop it. Please, I beg you, I'm in my knees.

If you didn't realize, this is a parody people! PARODY! It hurts inside to denigrate my own character from My Fic (I invite you to read it, I dont think she's a mary sue) but I had to prove my point. I HATE MARYSUES.

Just for you to know, I wrote this because I'm feeling pretty down.

It feels awful not to get reviews. I do love my story, _"All world's a Stage Wanna hear a Joke?"_ I'm doing my best to do it as original as it can, even if i do have an OC I try (and maybe not suceed) to make her a little bit different. And I would like to hear (or read in fact) your opinions about it. I considered to erase it and forget about it, as it seemed that nobody read it. But I think that's unrespectful for the ones that like the story, so I'm not going to do it.

And sometimes I see these Mary sues getting so many reviews just because they have a lot of fluff and/or sex scenes. how do you think that makes me feel? pissed. and here you have the result. I made this in one hour after waking up. for example Lasgalendil, a friend of mine, is making this terrific story that should be awarded! it's stunning! and she doesnt get the attention she should. J-Horror made two well known stories that are getting the attention they deserve, the only reason I dont lose hope in people recognicing effort and creativity.

I'm depressive, so if any of you read the last chapter of my story, yeah, I know almost the whole psychiatric Vademecum, although I had to do some research. I know exactly which meds a Bipolar type II has to take, which ones are for phobias, for depression, sedatives, their side-effects, pretty much everything.

Anyway, depressive as I am, I though that I was a total disaster writing, with no talent whatsoever. I know it sounds someway selfish, but lets face it: _nobody writes to themselves, everybody writes for someone to read it_. And last night I could barely sleep thinking about how bad I am. Then I re-read my old reviews and felt a little better. Everyone loves reviews. If someone says they don't, I know for sure they are lying. They wouldn't be publishing anything here. They would put it in some file and read it over and over again.

I didn't erase it, but I know there's a lot of people that does it, and it lowers their self-steem. So please, even if you don't like it, even if you hate this story or any story you read, leave a comment. Makes the writer know that her/his effort is appreciated, even if they are not good.

I'm sure I'm not good at this, but as people says, a constructive criticism helps to improve your writing.

**For those reading my other story:** even if this is a parody, it has clues about what's exactly going on. But I'm talking about the first chapter's Joke that that the psyco clown didnt get to finish.

I hope you enjoyed the parody, I'll keep writing serious things, don't worry be happy, I'm out. Bye bye, have a great day.

PS: I have to thank to the person who came up with the _"music video_" thing. That's not mine, that's from someone who recollects some Mary-Sue stories in a blog. I'll leave the link in my profile, if you want to check that out. _Whoever you are, don't be mad at me, sorry, don't kill me, thank you._


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